STOP SHOULDING ON YOURSELF

The other night I found myself shoulding all over myself. Ever do that? I had a very long day in front of the computer (nothing, and I mean NOTHING drains me more than that) and I just couldn’t ONE MORE THING. I was sooooo tired, my brain was fried, and my body was screaming for rest. But in my head, it sounded like this- I really should go take a walk. Isn’t that what healthy people do after they’ve been at a desk all day? Isn’t sitting the new smoking or some crap like that?  Ugh. Now that I think about it, why can’t I just make myself walk every day? Maybe if I did, I would finally hit my goal weight. I should really be better at this. I should cook healthier too. Maybe I just don’t want it bad enough? I should want it more. Gosh I suck at this. Fun, right?! 

I’m sure you’ve never done this, but in the off-chance you have, here’s what shoulding on yourself might have sounded like:

I should be doing this…

I should have said…

I shouldn’t have said…

I should be (a) better (at)…

I should look like…

I know I shouldn’t feel this way but…

The word should is a red flag.  A warning sign that your internal narrative may be going off track and needs to be examined. On the surface, should seems like a perfectly good word to use. Innocent, even! We use it to help us accomplish something or to motivate ourselves! But the truth is that should is as insidious as they come because should never travels alone. It comes with baggage. Heavy, heavy baggage. And when run through the conveyor belt x-ray of truth, here’s what you’ll find inside:

Bag #1: Unmet expectations. I should go to college because it’ll make my parents happy. 

Bag #2: Comparison. I should work out more so my body will look more like hers. 

Bag #3: Obligation. I should call my (mother, father, sibling, friend, etc.) more often even though every time I talk to them they make me feel bad about myself.

Bag #4: Shame. This is the heaviest bag of them all. I should do better. Be better. What is wrong with me??

The truth is, should doesn’t help us or motivate us. It humiliates us. It diminishes us. It demoralizes us. It tells us that we’re too much or too little. Guys, the baggage that comes with should is too heavy for us to carry. So, throw off the bags! Life is hard enough without us shoulding all over ourselves! And we certainly don’t need to be carrying around someone else’s should’s for us! 

So, here’s how you can throw off the bags of should and live your freakin’ life-

The next time you catch yourself shoulding on yourself ask- where is this coming from? Is this a should-do or a want-to? Or better yet, a get-to? And, says freakin’ who? 

Let’s stop tripping over the baggage of should. Let’s finally unpack it and put its contents where they belong. In the garbage.